tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59882472877905729492024-03-13T02:41:38.999-04:00Ten Minute NapJakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-46270323739248876532009-03-01T13:22:00.000-05:002009-03-01T13:23:10.167-05:00MovedI've moved my blog. I will be contacting YOU with the new link - or email me at bewilderedsecrets@gmail.com if you would like the link :)Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-15555092494044496942009-02-22T10:59:00.002-05:002009-02-22T11:08:37.489-05:00Little ScareFor some reason, I really like to separate my online life from my real life. I love meeting people through their blogs and websites, and creating a friendship through that. But I always get worried that somebody I know will find my blog and read everything. The reason why I don't make my blog completely private is because I enjoy having readers and meeting people, and I feel that making it private would completely restrict that possibility. Then again, you'd think I wouldn't write about the stuff I do if I wasn't prepared for anyone in the world to read it. It's complicated I guess - I just like having the two separate. The reason why I'm talking about this is because I've been using twitter to post when I make a new blog entry. Friday morning I woke up to receive two notifications from Twitter that two people I knew found me on Twitter. I got nervous because 1) I posted my latest entry on there the day before and 2) my s/n on Twitter is the name of this blog. I don't know how they found me on there in the first place but it really freaked me out. I immediately changed my s/n on there to my AIM s/n, and erased my tweet about my blog. I also removed my link to this website, and just in case, completely blocked everyone from my blog. <br /><br />It's really just a dilema with me because in high school, some friends figured out my password (which I use for everything) and read everything on my livejournal. I had been posting for about a year privately and they read everything. It really just freaked me out. But I really enjoy blogging and having readers, so it's just like I can't find a happy medium.<br /><br />Anyway, TenMinuteNap is back for today, and I keep checking my Stats to see if anyone using internet on my campus has been to my blog. I'm just paranoid. Any tips? I should probably just get over this whole separation and just take is as it goes - if anyone finds my blog, fine. But another part about writing on my blog is that I can really vent about things in my life that I can't tell people in my house. And I like having input from the people I've met. I don't know why I make things so difficult.<br /><br />In other news - I watched "You'll Get Over It" this morning and absolutely loved it. Probably because yes, it's a gay movie, but because it's in French, and I find French boys dreamy.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-71700267806491786342009-02-19T09:32:00.002-05:002009-02-19T09:41:51.040-05:00I'm so bad at updating.I only have a couple minutes before I have to run off to my Conducting class, so I thought I would take the chance and finally update.<br /><br />I got all my car problems fixed. I don't remember what I last wrote about about it - on the way home I hit another car and got some damage to the front left of my car. Then Saturday night, my car died. I had no idea what was wrong with it, so my dad and I worked on it (yes, I actually worked on a car!!), and discovered that for some odd reason, my car battery is located right where I got hit, damaging my battery. So my dad bought my a new battery and I drove back to school on Tuesday with no problems. I won't be able to get my car fixed for a while, because I'm not home long enough to take it in until Summer probably, which kinda sucks. <br /><br />I really didn't want to come back to school though. Other than my friends, I really had nothing to come back for. I'm not doing any productions this semester, and all I have is my Level which is in May. It basically feels like high school in a way. I'm doing well in all of my classes, even Spanish, and yet I just wish there was more.<br /><br />I'm planning a surprise party for my best friend, Pro, on Saturday. I sorta have a new crush on this guy we'll call Cuba, but I barely talk to him, I just think he's cute. And I really want to invite him to the party - he's friends with Pro too but I don't know if it'd be awkward if I invited him or not. I might just go ahead and do it - the more, the merrier. Maybe I'm just afraid that he'll say he'll come, because it means he might be interested in me too. Oh god. I'm a 16 year old girl.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-65091539391234632672009-02-15T00:30:00.002-05:002009-02-15T00:43:05.014-05:00Car TroubleOn my way home from school, I got in a car accident. It really was just what they call a "fender-bender". I was turning right with a yield sign, and another car, that was facing me, turned left in the same direction as me with a green arrow. I completely didn't see them until the front left of my car was hitting theirs. I took complete responsibility for it, as it was my fault. The girls car I hit barely had two dents in it, but my car got a little beat up in the front. I got a ticket anyway, and I'm sure they'll be making a claim to our insurance about the dents I made (even if I do believe they were speeding, being the reason why my car got beat up a lot more than theirs did). Even so, it was my first accident, and my first ticket, after having my license for 3 years. My parents weren't mad, everyone in my car is fine, and my car was running great afterwards.<br /><br />Until tonight. I drove to my friend's house because her parents were having a Valentine's Day party. I parked in her driveway and hung out there all afternoon. But as I get in my car to leave, it won't start. I turn the key and it just makes this noise that sounds like Death (if death could make a noise in a car). It wasn't the battery that was dead because everything inside my car turned on. It was as if the engine just wouldn't go. I'm pretty upset about it because I know I can't get it fixed until Monday (if they're open, being a holiday), and I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I'm worried about the current state of my car. I've never had car problems, and this car is new, to me at least. It just sucks that all these things happen, back to back.<br /><br />In good news, I got a <a href="https://twitter.com/tenminutenap">Twitter</a> account for this blog. If you have twitter, please follow me on there too! I used to use twitter a lot on my old blog, and would update a lot from my ipod. I plan on doing that again, and I'd like to connect with a lot of you! So check me out on there :) Valentine's day was also good, even if I have been single for a year and a half. But I'm fine with it, and I'm not worried about it. I hope everyone else had a good Valentine's Day.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-54789057919802018512009-02-13T10:49:00.002-05:002009-02-13T10:57:44.042-05:00Much Needed BreakThese past couple of days have been a real downer in a sorts. It started yesterday when I had the worst migraine in the world. I thought I was going to have to call the hospital, it was so bad. It was weird because I've never had a migraine before, and I was just in a practice room when I started to not be able to focus on one part in the music. It was where my eyes were trying to focus and there was a fuzzy circle on that area. It then got bigger and bigger, but I was able to see through the circle, just not around it. It then grew so much that I couldn't see the fuzzy circle anymore, but then BANG my head hurt. I got back to my house as fast as I could, but I couldn't find any pain medicine anywhere. Finally one of my housemates came home and I took some extra strength Tylenol, but I seriously thought my life was over. My head hurt so bad that I threw up. By that night it was gone, but I'm scared it's going to come back, because Migraines run in my family. I might get it checked out.<br /><br />And then today, I got my theory composition back and I got a 55 on it. I was fucking pissed. The project was for two saxophones, where the top line had to be one mode (mine was dorian) and the bottom line another (shang mode). My Professor made all these restrictions - it had to be in 5/8 time, the note length couldn't be shorter than an 8th note, the longest being a dotted quarter, we had to write an ostinato that could only be in one part for 6 measures before changing to the other voice. So I followed all these restrictions and just tried to get through it, and I thought my final product was really good, and everyone else agreed. And then I get it back today with a little note "see rule #2". It said both voices had to be playing in every measure. I put in measure rests all over the place. 45 Points were taken away because of it. And knowing me, I put up a fight. I really love composing, and I'm good at it too, I just hate all these restrictions are put on us when we compose because I don't believe that's how one should compose. Composing is about how you feel, not about rules. I had this problem with my last composition too. The downside to my fight was that I had no way to win - the rules were written out and I didn't read them carefully. But I did express how I don't agree with any of her opinions on composition. She told me I could fix my composition and she'll reconsider my grade, so at least there's that. In spite of her, I just want to write a composition and get it published, and dedicate it to her, and not have it follow any convetional theory rules. Fuck theory.<br /><br />That really just put me on the wrong note. But at least I'm going home in an hour. I just cannot wait to leave. I really just want to get home and forget about all the shit I have to do here.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-74135509210098464812009-02-05T22:38:00.002-05:002009-02-05T22:54:36.401-05:00I didn't audition for the play I wanted to. I realized that this week and next, I have a lot on my plate that I need to get done, and adding in an audition and rehearsals would not be good right now.<br /><br />I'm recording some of my repertoire next week because I'm applying for two summer programs this summer, one in Salzburg and one in Lucca. The Salzburg application is due first though, so I will know if I made it by March 1st, as that is when the first payment is due. I'm really exciting to find out about these programs - by attending one of them would be a dream of a lifetime. Yes, it comes with a heavy price tag, but if I want to become a performer or voice teacher, this is something that I will need to do. And why not start now?<br /><br />Classes are still going well, except that I've already skipped my Spanish class. I know it's only the 3rd week of classes, I'm just sick of Spanish. I get so nervous everytime I go to class because she has to call on everyone at least once in class to give them participation points. And I've been out of Spanish for so long that I still don't remember a lot of vocab. So she'll ask me a simple question and I'll have to respond in English. Granted, the majority of my class does not understand a lot still either, but I just had feeling unprepared for class. I have been studying a lot but I need to spend a whole weekend just relearning everything I learned in High School.<br /><br />I've been feeling pretty good about my new outlook. I just feel happier not worrying about guys. I know my feelings for Boca won't go away, but I can't live each day obsessing about it. If something was meant to happen, then it would have. BTW, I did text him recently but he didn't write back, so it's not like I haven't tried. I just can't keep waiting around. I want to be happy and I need to be happy. And I feel about about this.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-18867047931219424192009-02-01T13:54:00.002-05:002009-02-01T14:02:51.325-05:00You're all rightFrom this day forward, I will no longer put so much faith on love. Because that's all I do, and when nothing comes from it, I become disappointed. If I just let love find me whenever it's ready, I wouldn't be this down all the time.<br /><br />Last night, my college had a dance. Yes, a dance. It was actually so much fun - about 400 people were there and it was just crazy. You forget how much fun those things were in highschool. But, being myself, I created drama for myself, because I'm a loser. This guy, "Vince", who he and I were interested in each other for a while but then he moved on, danced a lot around each other and had a lot of fun. It was odd, because he hasn't really talked me to much this whole year, and I just thought that we weren't friends anymore. But then he was with me all night, so I thought maybe something was there (even though I KNEW that nothing was, but I was creating it in my mind). So I got disappointed when after the dance, we all went our seperate ways and he didn't ask me to do anything. But if I didn't make myself believe there was something there, then I wouldn't have been down about it afterwards.<br /><br />The other part, is that Boca was at the dance. Since we've got back to school, I've asked him to hang out twice and both times he's been busy. So I asked him if he was going to the dance and he said he would see me there. But he avoided me, basically, the whole dance. I kept looking over at him, and we'd make eye contact, but he never came over to where I was dancing. And then I would go over to where he was and he would walk away or something. So I think whatever Boca and I had last semester is officially over.<br /><br />I'm one of those people who needs a definite answer, you know? Like, how will I really know if there isn't anything if I don't ask? But what's the purpose?<br /><br />But back to the point - I am NOT going to be like this anymore, haha. Love will find me when it's ready, not when I'm constantly looking for it. You were all right, naturally :) haha. It just took another down night for it to really sit in.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm auditioning for the one act festival here on Tuesday. I'm really nervous because we have to prepare a one minute monolouge and I haven't ever prepared one before. I'm used to the auditions where I have to sing my lil' heart out, not act the shit out of something. So that's what I'll be doing all day, practicing some monologue I found online. Let's hope I get a call back or something - I just need to be in some kind of performance this semester!Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-1732161957390750822009-01-29T00:07:00.003-05:002009-01-29T00:19:08.551-05:00When does it become clear?I don't know why I let love have such a large influence on my life. It's all I think about most of the time. I'm always wondering how life would be if I was dating Boca, or Bunk, or even Pro.<br /><br />I had lunch with Pro today. It was really nice - I haven't really seen much of him since the semester has started because he's got a lot on his plate and is always busy. So we went to this new place on campus that just opened this past semester and had lunch. It was really nice to see him and just talk about everything on our minds. We talked about the auditions we held the night before for our Spring Production and how we felt kinda down that we let other people direct, we talked about classes that we really just didn't understand and others that we loved... and we talked about his new interest in a new guy, which we'll call Sofie. It kinda caught me by surprise, even though it shouldn't. It's common knowledge that Pro and I have some kind of connection and many people assumed that we were already together. But I never pursued anything more in fear that our friendship with be effected by it, and because I just am not sure what I really want. There is some drama with this guy, I guess, and Pro because Sofie is also involved with another guy at the moment that he's been trying to slowly get rid of for the past week or so. Even though I was caught by surprise, I still tried my best to support and help him out. Pro is a great guy and he deserves to be happy. And if he can find it in this guy, then good for him.<br /><br />After lunch though, I headed toward my Music History class, and I felt sort of down. I thought that maybe it was my true feelings for Pro coming out, that I really do like him more than I thought. But I don't really know if that is the case. He's really my best friend here at school. I don't know...<br /><br />I haven't spoken to Boca much lately, but I plan on texting him sometime tomorrow to catch up. I barely see him because we only have 1 class together and I never see him in passing. I just need to know if there is anything between us still. I would just feel better knowing what he feels.<br /><br />I also ended everything with Bunk, my ex-boyfriend from last year. <s>We may or may not have hooked up in his office...</s> I knew that I needed to end things, and so I did. He was upset, and actually fought for us, which surprised me. But it just can't be. And this is going to sound awful, but I'm glad that it was me ending things and not him. Last time he broke my heart. It's his turn to feel upset.<br /><br />Classes have been going surprisingly well. I'm singing really well too, which is strange since I've only practiced once till today. But my lesson went well, and my teacher told me that everytime I come in, I'm already better. Which I'm glad - I work my ass off, and I want to be taken seriously here. Everyone always overlooks me as singer, and I'm sick of it, especially since I know I'm better than a lot of people here. I don't mean to sound full of myself or anything, I just want to be the best I can and be recognized for it. Haha, that does sound full of myself, but so be it.<br /><br />Also, thanks for the list of movies guys! I was surprised how many I had actually already seen and forgot about (like Later Days and Trick). I'm going to try and find the others and download them. I'm a sucker for gay love movies. :)Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-48084338109218813862009-01-24T10:43:00.003-05:002009-01-24T10:51:44.888-05:00Kinda bummed.So yesterday, I had a meeting with the opera director about my audition. We're allowed to sign up for time with her and the vocal coach/director if we'd like to discuss it but I only signed up for a time with her. When I walked in, the first thing she said was "you're the one I've been waiting to talk to", and I said "uh oh" haha, because I got really nervous that I had messed up royally and she had numerous things she wanted me to fix. But I was wrong. "You're audition blew me away. I did not expect you to perform as well as you did... you were so connected to your audition pieces and you sang them beautifully. The reason why we took so long to put the cast list up was because I kept trying to figure out how I can put you in this show, but there just wasn't a part for you. And that makes me upset because I really wanted to reward you for your audition. I believe early music is what you need to be singing".<br /><br />So great. Yeah, it was nice to go in and know that my audition went really well and that she wanted to cast me, but the fact is is that she didn't. It just kinda bums me out because it was the first time I sang really well in an audition and know I did, and still not get cast. But it's okay - I'm still working out and I'm thinking about audition for the one act plays later this semester so that I can perform somehow. Oh well.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizTR8m-PI40qKelYYC1X2Z8iPZdVrhxEgFlgT5NOxqBHQjwjJYgDpIrvueTcmbqmpIPBxBnyoMXZYR2aYC9yAWHMTxrOLpjTpksy4PyA0Tdrj1xClp2oImjmLGRVbOeughXl-e3tZ35LI9/s1600-h/shelter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizTR8m-PI40qKelYYC1X2Z8iPZdVrhxEgFlgT5NOxqBHQjwjJYgDpIrvueTcmbqmpIPBxBnyoMXZYR2aYC9yAWHMTxrOLpjTpksy4PyA0Tdrj1xClp2oImjmLGRVbOeughXl-e3tZ35LI9/s320/shelter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294888084882081890" border="0" /></a><br />I've been downloading a lot of movies lately because.. well.. I can. And I just watched Shelter. It came out two years ago or so and I've been wanting to see it but couldn't figure out how without buying here!'s service or just buying the dvd. I love this movie. I'm a sucker for movies where young gay couples are involved, and I really recommend this movie to everyone (if you like gay movies, that is). Does anyone know any other good gay-themed movies that I should watch next?Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-65104200423241726522009-01-21T08:17:00.002-05:002009-01-21T08:23:46.472-05:00Free TimeI didn't get cast in this semesters Opera, which I'm surprisingly okay with. I thought I gave a great audition, but right after my first piece I had a feeling I wasn't what they were looking for. So I wasn't surprised to not see my name on the list. But I'm extremely happy for all those who did make it, and I was even more surprised of those who didn't (like Boca who is a great singer).<br /><br />Is it bad that the first thought that I had after not seeing my name was "I wonder if this means Boca and I will get to hang out more?" Yes? Okay.<br /><br />In all reality, it will be nice to have the time to really just relax this semester. Even though my organization is also doing a production this semester, I don't really know the show we've chosen and I don't want to play a big role in the production. I told my friend, who is also the president, that I'll be Stage Manager if it is needed, but if not, I'd like to sit this one out. And I'm looking forward to the time that I'll get. I've been going to the gym a lot since I've come back because, just like everyone else in the world, I'd like to lose some weight/get into shape this year. But unlike the majority of everyone else in the world, I can actually stick to it. The gym was PACKED the other night that I went, and then just yesterday it was already clearer. A week from now, I bet it won't be busy at all. Last year, I wasn't able to keep a routine ONLY because I was in the Opera. Now I have the time to go, and it won't interfere with school work.<br /><br />I can't wait until I'm all fit and hot. Take that Opera.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-76777075531058991332009-01-18T10:14:00.002-05:002009-01-18T10:21:43.113-05:00Last DayI've been back at school since Thursday afternoon, and it's been really nice. It's nice to just hang out around my house without having to worry about classes and stress. I've been practicing a lot, and I had a voice lessons yesterday also that went extremely well. My teacher and my friend (who sat in on my lesson) said that I'm singing really well and that my audition for Opera on Tuesday is going to be great. But I'm not really getting my hopes up - there are 3 baritones coming back this semester, added to the 5 or 6 that there already are. And there are 3 baritone roles in the Opera. I suppose it'll really depend on the auditions, but i know that there are better baritones than me. I just don't know if they can sing early music as well as I can. I guess we'll find out Tuesday night.<br /><br />So I did something completely stupid Friday night. My exboyfriend "Bunk" has been texting me all week because he's been here at school for a while now because he has an apartment here and works. Nobody's been up here during winterim so we've just been talking somewhat and we made plans to hang out when I got back. Which is stupid, because we both knew what would happen. So friday night, he picked me up and we went over to his apartment and put in some Davie Bowie movie that was really stupid. It wasn't long until we were making out and moving it to the bedroom where we hooked up. We talked a little bit before and after - he told me how he was sorry for last year (when he literally broke my heart), and for all the time inbetween then and now where he was an asshole. Afterwards, he told me he wasn't lying when he said he still liked me, and I told him it was really impossible to be together. 1) because I'm not stupid enough to fall for this again, 2) my friends would kill me because they know how hurt I was last time, and 3) because I still have feelings for "Boca", and Boca and Bunk are friends. It's just weird. He wants to hang out again sometime soon but I feel like I should probably end this before I get way in to deep and it runs out of control.<br /><br />PS I'm catching up on everyones blogs as fast as I can. I always forget about the internet when I get to school haha.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-46439527924088659162009-01-14T00:55:00.002-05:002009-01-14T01:05:05.453-05:00It's the EndI go back to school tomorrow. I feel like I just got home, and I'm already thinking about everything I have to do. I'm really leaving today around 4, going up to Buffalo, staying at a friends house, and then together we'll go up to school. It's only a 5 hour drive from Buffalo, which is good compared to the about 6 hours it is from my home. Classes don't officially begin until the 19th (Yes, MLK Jr Day, how nice New York State), but I'm going to get a head start on opera auditions and on some of my rep. I also want to find where my Spanish class is going to be, because it's in a building that I haven't had a class in it yet.<br /><br />I am happy to be leaving my house though. My sisters boyfriend is driving me insane. He's a nice guy and everything, but he's ALWAYS HERE. He and my sister work at the same place, so they drive together. So he comes over around noon, and they go to work together around 2:30. Fine. But this is my break. Everytime he comes over, they take over the living room, leaving me my bedroom as the only place I can go. And worse, sometimes he doesn't have to work till 4, so he just hangs out in my sisters room. Which sucks for me, because my practice time is 2:30-3:30 and I CANNOT practice unless everyone has left the house (Idk, I'm weird). What I'm also not comfortable with is that he spends the night in the basement (right outside my bedroom) when I'm not home. It shouldn't be that big a deal, but I feel like he's moving himself right into our house. The house is small enough as it is, it doesn't need another person. The only reason him staying here is a big deal is because my sisters last boyfriend used to stay here and ended up stealing a lot from my family. Wounds are hard to heal, I suppose.<br /><br />I'm obsessed with the movie La Vie en Rose. I bought it for my mom two Christmas's ago, but we never got around to watch it until yesterday. I AM OBSESSED. I cried hysterically in the end, and I can't stop listening to the soundtrack. It's such a beautiful story, and the actress who plays Edith Pilaf is a genious. I have never seen an actress embody a character as well as she did. If you haven't seen it yet, I urge you to go out and get it immediately.<br /><br />I've also been reading Wicked again. This is probably my 4th time reading it - I can't get enough of it. I find it a hard read, but a good one, and everytime I finish it I discover something new about the characters. I'm also rereading it because I've had "Son of Witch" on my bookshelf, unread, for some time now and I really want to read that when I get back to school. I used to be obsessed with reading and am now just getting back into it, so if anyone has any suggestions, please leave me.<br /><br />All in all, this break has been great but I'm sad to go back (except for the part I talked about already). Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I just dropped out of school and stayed at home. I know I'm too focused and strong willed to do that, and that I would be unhappy, but sometimes I just feel too exhausted to head back into the real world.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-88998487366252718822009-01-10T15:48:00.001-05:002009-01-10T15:50:25.104-05:00By the numberI just wanted to post this to show everyone how much of a dork I am.<br /><br />Yes. I like to paint-by-number.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2tycCiYSPI2x2yhL6qHbyNMaK5m-Mne0XqME_3H3QYop4kbJLOlxnfB8GihRNzWHtdpJCW54oC0Y7OElnUQ3NBeuYKLNveX3jQs18iCHQaPC6B7i_5lcqSarfpAvY0B4vzkZwlP2r5Qjr/s1600-h/IMG_3777.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 242px; height: 362px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2tycCiYSPI2x2yhL6qHbyNMaK5m-Mne0XqME_3H3QYop4kbJLOlxnfB8GihRNzWHtdpJCW54oC0Y7OElnUQ3NBeuYKLNveX3jQs18iCHQaPC6B7i_5lcqSarfpAvY0B4vzkZwlP2r5Qjr/s320/IMG_3777.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289770156299855538" border="0" /></a><br />Haha yaaaaay.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-3922641381889501782009-01-09T23:37:00.002-05:002009-01-09T23:53:01.889-05:00BitTorrentSo I've used Limewire for the majority of my life, but have just really gotten into Bittorrent. But for some reason, it's incredibly slow on my computer. I think it might be because I'm using wireless and it might be faster when I get to school and use my ethernet cord, but I'm very upset right now. I'm downloading all 5 seasons of Queer as Folk and it's telling me it's going to take 58 days to download. Granted, it's 22 gigs. But it shouldn't take 3 monthssss! I'm just complaining because I'm too lazy to actually get the money and buy the set for myself. Anyway, does anyone else have an issue with downloading speeds for bittorrent?<br /><br />Oh, and I got a hair cut today. Que the cheesy photobooth picture.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtobWBP6kOm6CxtFQNUDDcYVCUiHPFGIefkbpcIcUSVkmMwhO3i5OfZXUY_qhrJq4-0wI2bU55S7QEkgCzO3TrHXmxTsUtJT5i6MsXS0aPUaRY-sUjymmiri_ELku4s4kPo-bDndWRUWvt/s1600-h/Photo+1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtobWBP6kOm6CxtFQNUDDcYVCUiHPFGIefkbpcIcUSVkmMwhO3i5OfZXUY_qhrJq4-0wI2bU55S7QEkgCzO3TrHXmxTsUtJT5i6MsXS0aPUaRY-sUjymmiri_ELku4s4kPo-bDndWRUWvt/s320/Photo+1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5289523533947722034" border="0" /></a>Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-2109623412973526692009-01-08T18:17:00.002-05:002009-01-08T18:25:33.814-05:00The Day AfterMy house has never felt so empty before. It's just weird not having Abby here. My room is in the basement and I used to hear her walk throughout the house, and last night I swear I could still hear her. When I was laying on the couch, I made sure I didn't step on her because she used to lay below my feet, before I realized she wasn't there. As I walked through the kitchen, I thought maybe she'd want to go out before I realized that she wasn't here. I'm not nearly as upset as I was yesterday, and all this is just going to take some time getting used to.<br /><br />I want to thank everyone for the kind comments yesterday - <a href="http://an-opium-affaire.blogspot.com/">Josh</a>, <a href="http://ggahm.blogspot.com/">Gary</a>, aron2631, <a href="http://wellinformedandout.blogspot.com/">Dane</a>, <a href="http://poltspalace.blogspot.com/">Polt</a>, and <a href="http://frozenunderwear.blogspot.com/">Steve</a>. I <b>really</b> appreciate the comments you left me. I'm also really glad you all commented because you all have great blogs (except for aron2631 because I couldn't find yours) and as a result, will be adding you to my daily reads. So watch out for my comments. You've been warned ;-)<br /><br />I haven't done anything all day except watch The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Oh yes. I practiced a little bit but nothing was really sounding good so I gave up for the day. I'm letting this be my lazy day. I go back to school next week and I really just want to relax as much as I can before I go back into the stressful environment of Music School.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-15967436769588797952009-01-07T17:50:00.005-05:002009-01-07T18:00:09.639-05:00RIP AbbyMy dog passed away today. I thought that I was prepared for it, because she has been going downhill for the past 3 years, and this wasn't the first time she got really sick. I was sure the last two times were it and she bounced right back. But yesterday I noticed something was wrong, because she kept pacing as if she was searching for somewhere to go, and she kept running into things as if she couldn't see them. We think she might have had a really bad seizure in the middle of the night (she has had them her whole life) and that it was too hard for her to manage with. We had to put her in the corner of our dining room and cage her in because she kept pacing, and I finally got her to lay down before I went to bed last night. When I woke up this morning, she was in the same spot and was barely there. My mom told me she couldn't even lift her head to drink water.<br /><br />I got the call from my parents at about 5:30 telling me that it was time to come home. I drove home and she had been gone for maybe 10 minutes. It's been particularly hard on my dad because I guess he had to assist.. to help her go away. I came home and I went right over to her and I broke down. I'm a wreck. It's so hard for me to write this entry. I thought I was prepared for this but I'm really not. I don't do well with death. I can't stop crying. She was 13 years old, doesn't look like it, does it.<br /><br />Abby, you will be missed. I don't care how cheesy this sounds - you were more than just a pet, you were my friend. And I will never forget you.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1936/218/98/1370280021/n1370280021_30037270_1373.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 374px; height: 248px;" src="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1936/218/98/1370280021/n1370280021_30037270_1373.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></div>Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-90082773222879848712009-01-05T20:42:00.002-05:002009-01-05T20:58:57.270-05:002009? Okay.I can't believe I haven't posted since New Years. A lot has happened.. sort of.<br /><br />Let's begin with New Years. I went to my friends house in Buffalo, and had a great time. It was so much fun to see all of my friends. We started drinking pretty early (8 is early for me), and everyone was obsessed with doing as many shots as possible. Two friends that had graduated from school showed up, one of them being a huge crush of mine. We'll name him M (because I can't figure out a nickname for him), and I've had a crush on him ever since I met him the fall of my freshman year. We didn't start talking to eachother until the end of that year, and haven't talked since until New Years. For some reason, it felt like we had known eachother forever, and we had a lot of fun with everyone else. And there obviously was sexual chemistry between us.<br /><br />Now, M has a history of this. And I know about it, everyone does. But it didn't matter to me. So after midnight came and M and I were sitting alone by one of the fireplaces, I kissed him. And <span style="font-style: italic;">it</span> was there. The feeling. Which is really stupid because I <span style="font-weight: bold;">know</span> he didn't feel it like I did. I'm probably just another number to add to his list.<br /><br />Drama happened though. M and I went up to the guest room to lay in the bed, to see whatever would happen, but before I knew it I was being pulled out of bed by my friend who lived there, not letting me be with him. She kept saying "I'm saving you". I drunkenly fought with her, about her not letting me do what I wanted. But then I laid in her bed because I thought I was going to pass out. M came into her room and yelled at my friend because he wanted to talk to me, so I got back up and we went to talk in the other room. He was upset because he said he gets attached really quick to people and started feeling something for and was pissed that nobody would let us be together (oh yeah). He ended up driving home after that, stupidly.<br /><br />The next morning, I got a text from him about him leaving his pants there. I looked in the bedroom we were in and saw where they were and his wallet. Everyone was going out to breakfast, so I told them I was going home because I had things to do, and went to meet M somewhere close. We met at a reststop off the highway because it was the closest place to meet, and I gave him his jeans (he ended up just taking someone elses that were in that room). And we hugged and left.<br /><br />I haven't really talked to him left, and I don't expect us to. He works at a school on Long Island, and I go to school in the north country of NY. It's not worth my disappointment to expect something to happen between us. So there's that everyone.<br /><br />Next, I went to Cincinnati this weekend with my friend and her mom. We took voice lessons with Barbara Paver. My lesson was unbelievably good, expect we had to work on a lot of basic vocal technique - stuff I should be over with. I'm not nearly as advanced as I should be. The thing that sucks is that my tone is great, everyone always compliments the sound of my voice. But there's nothing backing it up because my technique isn't there yet. CCM is unbelievable though, and it's my number 1 choice for Grad School. The whole campus, the city, everything is so unbelievable. I can't believe I'm already thinking about Grad School, when I'm only a sophomore.<br /><br />I have so much work ahead of me though. I need to practice everyday and get to work.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-15108898785886216782008-12-31T01:00:00.002-05:002008-12-31T01:23:40.289-05:00New YearsSo this is the part when the entire blogosphere writes about their new years resolutions and what they liked about this past year or didn't like or whatever. Because I'm a follower and don't like to stray too far from the pack, I'll follow suit in a way. I'm just going to reflect on my year.<br /><br />This year has been an okay one. I really have no idea how else to describe this year. In 2008,<br /><br /><ul><li>I completed my freshmen year of college. I entered college as a Music Education major, and left picking up another, Vocal Performance. </li><li>I drank way too much in the 2nd semester and spent an evening throwing up in a tub for an hour.</li><li>My Grandpa passed away in February, leaving me with no living grandparents.<br /></li><li>I worked at a company that sells expensive knives and other utensils.</li><li>I played piano in a touring community theatre production of The Music Man.</li><li>I saw Wicked in Buffalo and became good friends with the understudy for Galinda.</li><li>I bought a $500 camera and decided that I wanted to take photography classes (although those have yet to happen). </li><li>I took my very first online class, Connections to Biology, and did surprisingly well.</li><li>I eliminated people out of my life who did not play a large role in who I was anymore (as in old high school friends that turned out to be flakes)</li><li>I started my sophomore year of college, living in a townhouse with two women and another gay man.</li><li>I was cast in the fall Opera with only a cast of 12.</li><li>As Vice President of the Musical Theatre Organization, I was Musical Director for our fall production.</li><li>Have been single for over a year.</li><li>Was told by my High School choir director that I would receive her job after getting my masters.</li></ul>Not sure what else happened, as other things were not as significant. This has been a great year, on the whole, but not too much happened as compared to other years. I feel like I could make this post so much more interesting if more had happened. I am looking forward to 2009, as there is actually a lot going on that will lead me in a good direction. Of course, I'm hoping there will be some kind of love interest in this coming year, or I might just kill myself.<br /><br />In other news, I'm heading up to Buffalo to a friends house for New Years. I'm really excited because I'm going to see a bunch of school friends. Then it's back here for a day, then back up to leave there with another friend to head to Cincinnati and see Cincinnati Conservatory. So excited.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-77888121526083681112008-12-29T11:18:00.002-05:002008-12-29T11:23:20.115-05:00I'm Mad.At my computer.<br /><br />I have a macbook, which I bought for school in the summer of 07. It's been great so far, except that I always run out of space because of the loads of music and movies I put on it. When I first bought it, I had it come with Windows XP so I could still play the Sims and Rollercoaster Tycoon (they're my guilty pleasure). It was fine for a long time until I needed the space for school, and removed Window's. I've put it back on a couple of times since then, but then in June, my computer completely crashed. It was my fault, as I was uploading cd's and didn't realize that I had used all of the space left. Seriously, there was nothing left. So I sent my computer to Apple and they sent it back, new harddrive and all.<br /><br />But now, I CANNOT even partition my harddrive for Window's. It keeps giving me "Bootcamp cannot move some files" shit. So I did some research and some people said to back up the computer, erase everything, and then reupload. But I'm too scared to do that. Some people also said that Bootcamp can't partition when any file is over 4gigs. So I found all the largest files on my computer and put them on my external. Nope, didn't work. Someone else also said to boot up in Safe Mode. Did that, and it actually started to partition. But come to find it get to the end and flash the same warning.<br /><br />So I'm looking for some Mac people here who might know what I should do. I just want to play some games on my computer and I can't even install Windows. Help!Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-24684637545348104222008-12-28T00:01:00.002-05:002008-12-28T00:08:58.759-05:00Counting DownNow that it's after Christmas, I've just starting to realize how little time I have left here at home. I feel like I just got here, and I only have 3 weeks or so left. And I have little downtime in those remaining weeks.<div><br /></div><div>For New Years, I'm going up to Buffalo to party at a friends house for the evening. It shall be fun, as many friends from school will be there and it'll be nice to see everyone. I'm leaving the next day to come back home, and then it's back up to Buffalo on the 2nd to stay at my friend M's house. We're leaving from there on the 3rd to go to Cincinnati to visit CCM and we're both taking lessons with Barbara Paver. I'm looking into CCM as a possible graduate school, although I'm really interested in NYU because of it's location (although it isn't known for it's music program). </div><div><br /></div><div>After that, I'm going to start organizing my summer recital and get some job applications in for the summer. I have an opportunity to study in Germany this coming summer, but not for cheap. It's a music program in both Opera and Musical Theatre, but it's going to be about $5000 to just go, not including plain tickets there and back. But it'd be an opportunity of a lifetime that I want to have. But then again, I'd like to be home to work as much as I can and make as much money as possible. I guess we'll see how the dice roll.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can't believe that I'm halfway through my sophomore year of college. I'm almost halfway done with college, it's going that fast. Sometimes I still regret not going to school for Musical Theatre, but when I sing that type of rep now I've noticed how strong my voice has become, and how I'm able to sing that and classical repertoire. And for that, I'm glad I've decided to go to a classical school. Although I am lacking the stage experience for a musical theatre degree, I can really tailor my schedule to include acting classes if I prefer and still get some exposure. I'm still auditioning for Broadway shows, you just watch.</div>Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-30906162606602994392008-12-25T20:54:00.002-05:002008-12-25T20:59:57.146-05:00ChristmasMerry Christmas! And Happy Hanukkah!<br /><br />So, I didn't get much for Christmas because I really didn't ask for anything. I got an external hard drive for my mac because I needed it, and I got a GPS for my car because I somehow always get lost around Rochester.<br /><br />My sister really hit the mark by giving me "The Light in the Attic", which I used to read at my Grandma's house when I was younger, and inside was a dedication to her. I basically cried, right there on the couch. So props to my sister for that.<br /><br />I then went to my best friends house to play Guitar Hero because she got the new one (I've found my new calling in the drums!), and then went to Family Video to see Storm. I was surprised that they were even open today, so I felt that I should go see him seeing he had to work on Christmas day. We didn't really talk much for some reason, so I ended up leaving after 10 minutes. He texted me later, saying "I wish you stayed longer so I could have given you your present!" (which was a hug and a kiss). I suppose that will come later, where this thing is going.<br /><br />And the remainder of the day has involved me reading my past journals. Jesus, have I grown up! And thank god also. There was so much drama in high school, it just feels so great to be out of all that now.<br /><br />I'm also pissed because I wanted to install The Sims 2 and Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 again on my computer but I guess I took them for school (which doesn't make sense, seeing all the installation discs were left here at home). I've just been lazy all day, which is what usually happens. Christmas at my house only lasts for a couple hours, and then we all go and do our seperate things. I wish we went to visit family or whatever, but my parents never really do that since my grandparets have died. So it's basically up to me for when I have my own family to do family things.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-55858585912603534172008-12-24T18:32:00.002-05:002008-12-24T18:39:45.653-05:00God ForbidEvery time I come home from school, I realize how much I have grown as a person.<div><br /></div><div>College has really changed me for the better, and I'm glad that I have decided to go to a school that is 6 hours away. My campus is really diverse and accepting of everything, and the people are some of the best I have ever met. </div><div><br /></div><div>One thing school has really done for me is shown me how to speak my mind. Which I do a lot. And whenever I come home, I realize how much nobody else does, it's always me. So whenever there's a fight in the house, I usually spark it because I'm the only one who has the balls to speak about how they feel. And it always revolves around my father.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now, my dad and I have a good relationship now, but it wasn't always good. When I came out, we went through a really rough year where we really didn't speak much at all. But once he realized that me being gay didn't change me at all, we got closer. We don't talk about my sexuality, and I never talk about my relationships, but he and I have fun. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I notice all his flaws now that I have grown up, and I'm not afraid to talk about them with him. Especially tonight. We always get pizza on Christmas Eve because it's simple and fun. But what I hate, is when I come home from my school, my dad feels like I'm his personal chauffeur. He's always saying "well we can send Jake out for this" or whatever, and it pissed me off because I do a lot during my breaks too. </div><div><br /></div><div>Today, I've driven downtown already, which is about 15 minutes away there and back. He wanted to send me out for dinner, but I didn't want to because I have to drive about a half hour away later tonight for the church service I go to. So I told him that he should go for pizza, and he decided that he would just pour a bowl of chips instead, meaning no pizza for anyone.</div><div><br /></div><div>So naturally, I got serious and was like "why can't you do something for once, instead of acting like I'll always do things for you when I come home". And he just laughed, like he always does, because he doesn't want to hear it and won't speak back to me. And I kept going, because I could. "It really pisses me off that you laugh at me when I get serious, when I'm the ONLY one who says what they feel". And he just laughed again, so I picked up my stuff and walked downstairs, saying "yeah, happy christmas eve to you too dad". </div><div><br /></div><div>Seriously, why the fuck does he always have to act like this. He always puts this front up like he's the boss, no matter what, and that if he doesn't want something, nobody else in the family can have it either. I'm sick of it, and I'm pissed that I'm the only one who brings it up. SPEAK UP PEOPLE!</div>Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-61983364912165161822008-12-22T00:58:00.002-05:002008-12-22T01:01:56.346-05:00Happy EndingThe night completely turned around.<br /><br />I kept pushing for 16 to leave, and around 9:30 I just told him that we should go, so I drove him to his house. I couldn't wait for the day to be over, but I felt bad when he was leaving the car and said "I had a lot of fun hanging out with you today". Ugh whatever, he's 16.<br /><br />But as I left (and this will probably sound slutty), I decided I was going to go see Storm, the guy who's been texting me for a little while but I've never gone to meet him while he's at work. I felt bad because he asked me to go visit him last night and I was too lazy to walk to my car and drive down.<br /><br />I walked in the store, and he was cuter than I remember him. Long story short, I ended up staying for 2 1/2 hours talking to him and the other girl who was working there. He's really fun to hang out with, but we were in that awkward "just met" stage where we didn't really know what to say but wanted to keep talking. It was really nice - he's older than me which is exactly what I'm looking for. I think I'd like to see this one again.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-81088239418895425722008-12-21T18:25:00.002-05:002008-12-21T18:29:52.864-05:00BabysittingI'm hanging out with the 16 year old right now, and I feel like I'm babysitting. It was nice at first - I picked him up at the mall and we came back to my house. We started watching "War of the Worlds 2" (yup, they made a second one, no don't rent it). And we cuddled a little bit.<br /><br />The Pros - He and I are the perfect size together, so when we lay together we fit perfectly. He's a good kisser.<br /><br />The Negatives - He's 16. His teeth aren't as perfect as I would like them to be. He's not very mature. He's only a junior in high school. He's involved in all the gay drama of my town (more on that in a moment).<br /><br />So I'm pretty sure he and I will not be hanging out after today. Things just aren't clicking. We went to Subway for dinner and it's a 10 minute ride back to my house - nothing was said that whole ride.<br /><br />But I have noticed the difference between me and other gay guys in this area - I'm never involved in petty gay drama. All the gays in this area all fuck eachother and just get pissed off when their boyfriends cheat on eachother. If that makes sense. I'm never involved with that. I don't look for guys that are involved with that, and that is why this thing won't work between me and 16 year old. I'm looking for mature guys, preferably older, who actually have a plan for their life.<br /><br />He told his mom he'd be home around 10, and it's only 6:30 now. Why can't the time pass faster?!?!Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5988247287790572949.post-7174959399309276232008-12-19T23:57:00.002-05:002008-12-20T00:01:58.758-05:00Am I a whore? A man whore?Okay so here's the thing.<br /><br />The night before I left, this guy I used to "see", we'll call him Broad, hooked up. It was a random thing, and I took it as we were both horny so we took care of it. But I guess it turned out to mean a little more to him, because once I got home, he started talking to me online about hanging out more when we got back. And I told him that I was liking someone else, and that I wasn't interested in being anything more than friends with him.<br /><br />Then there is Storm who I told I would meet him sometime soon. He asked me to come visit him at work but I've been to lazy to shower (i'm sorrrrrry) and make myself look pretty.<br /><br />And I'm still crushing on Boca, who is now in Florida for two weeks but still texts me sometimes.<br /><br />And I was stupid and texted a guy I used to talk to to see if he wanted to hang out over this break, and now we're going to the movies next week.<br /><br />But then this guy who lives like 10 minutes from me imed me and we've been talking all night. We'll call him Cast. He's actually really sweet - he's more scene than anyone I've ever met before, but that's what I like about him. Problem is, he's 16. And I'm 19.<br /><br />But now I feel like a man whore because I have like 6 men in my life and I don't really want any but one. I mean, I can't really decide that because I'm seeing where everything is going, but I feel like it's weird having all these guys at once.<br /><br />I know what my problem is though - I just like to be with somebody. I want to love somebody and I know I am capable of doing it. Things have just never worked out. Gosh.Jakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00940217193032116349noreply@blogger.com1