Last night, I hooked up with a guy that I've had a crush on for over a year. It's kind of pathetic actually, because usually I can move on from crushes. But for some reason, I never got over this one.
But it's complicated because my other friend, we'll call him Pro, and I have a weird friendship. He's my best friend but we're sort of in that weird place where we're friends but might be more? I'm not really sure. Sometimes I can see myself being with him and being really happy, and then other times I really just have no interest. I don' know.
Anyway, Pro and the guy I hooked up with have some past, and Pro's not fond of him at all anymore. I wasn't really either, but that's because I was bitter and had a crush on him that I couldn't act on.
But last night he came over while we were all drinking, and he ended up staying the night because his house was locked when he tried to go home. And we ended hooking up, and he laid with me for the rest of the night. I don't think it'll go anywhere, and nobody would really approve anyway, but the night was really nice.
But I could hear my roommates outside my door last night saying shit about him being here. Both their status's on facebook are about it, because they knew we were hooking up somehow. And then they wrote on our dry erase board "how could you do that to your friend" and "I love Pro, and so should you!".
I understand that I've probably hurt Pro, which I'll take responsibility. But leave me the fuck alone. Yes, I fucked up. I understand that. But don't try to make me feel 10 times worse about it. I've been single for over a year, and I've been in a rut with guys. Just let me have this one.
I just want to hide in my room all day.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
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2 comments:
We need to talk. Now.
Oh those crushes that last forever. I have one. Doesn't everybody?
While I do think maybe you should have thought about Pro and the consequences of your actions, I don't think it was right for your friends to rub it in.
And honestly, maybe this sounds selfish, but you have to do what makes YOU happy. Not saying that this will happen, but you may not even see these people in a few years from now. And if you spend time making THEM happy and then fall out of contact with them, it would be worthless. You always have to live with yourself, so focus on your own happiness.
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