When does it become clear?

I don't know why I let love have such a large influence on my life. It's all I think about most of the time. I'm always wondering how life would be if I was dating Boca, or Bunk, or even Pro.

I had lunch with Pro today. It was really nice - I haven't really seen much of him since the semester has started because he's got a lot on his plate and is always busy. So we went to this new place on campus that just opened this past semester and had lunch. It was really nice to see him and just talk about everything on our minds. We talked about the auditions we held the night before for our Spring Production and how we felt kinda down that we let other people direct, we talked about classes that we really just didn't understand and others that we loved... and we talked about his new interest in a new guy, which we'll call Sofie. It kinda caught me by surprise, even though it shouldn't. It's common knowledge that Pro and I have some kind of connection and many people assumed that we were already together. But I never pursued anything more in fear that our friendship with be effected by it, and because I just am not sure what I really want. There is some drama with this guy, I guess, and Pro because Sofie is also involved with another guy at the moment that he's been trying to slowly get rid of for the past week or so. Even though I was caught by surprise, I still tried my best to support and help him out. Pro is a great guy and he deserves to be happy. And if he can find it in this guy, then good for him.

After lunch though, I headed toward my Music History class, and I felt sort of down. I thought that maybe it was my true feelings for Pro coming out, that I really do like him more than I thought. But I don't really know if that is the case. He's really my best friend here at school. I don't know...

I haven't spoken to Boca much lately, but I plan on texting him sometime tomorrow to catch up. I barely see him because we only have 1 class together and I never see him in passing. I just need to know if there is anything between us still. I would just feel better knowing what he feels.

I also ended everything with Bunk, my ex-boyfriend from last year. We may or may not have hooked up in his office... I knew that I needed to end things, and so I did. He was upset, and actually fought for us, which surprised me. But it just can't be. And this is going to sound awful, but I'm glad that it was me ending things and not him. Last time he broke my heart. It's his turn to feel upset.

Classes have been going surprisingly well. I'm singing really well too, which is strange since I've only practiced once till today. But my lesson went well, and my teacher told me that everytime I come in, I'm already better. Which I'm glad - I work my ass off, and I want to be taken seriously here. Everyone always overlooks me as singer, and I'm sick of it, especially since I know I'm better than a lot of people here. I don't mean to sound full of myself or anything, I just want to be the best I can and be recognized for it. Haha, that does sound full of myself, but so be it.

Also, thanks for the list of movies guys! I was surprised how many I had actually already seen and forgot about (like Later Days and Trick). I'm going to try and find the others and download them. I'm a sucker for gay love movies. :)