God Forbid

Every time I come home from school, I realize how much I have grown as a person.

College has really changed me for the better, and I'm glad that I have decided to go to a school that is 6 hours away. My campus is really diverse and accepting of everything, and the people are some of the best I have ever met. 

One thing school has really done for me is shown me how to speak my mind. Which I do a lot. And whenever I come home, I realize how much nobody else does, it's always me. So whenever there's a fight in the house, I usually spark it because I'm the only one who has the balls to speak about how they feel. And it always revolves around my father.

Now, my dad and I have a good relationship now, but it wasn't always good. When I came out, we went through a really rough year where we really didn't speak much at all. But once he realized that me being gay didn't change me at all, we got closer. We don't talk about my sexuality, and I never talk about my relationships, but he and I have fun. 

But I notice all his flaws now that I have grown up, and I'm not afraid to talk about them with him. Especially tonight. We always get pizza on Christmas Eve because it's simple and fun. But what I hate, is when I come home from my school, my dad feels like I'm his personal chauffeur. He's always saying "well we can send Jake out for this" or whatever, and it pissed me off because I do a lot during my breaks too. 

Today, I've driven downtown already, which is about 15 minutes away there and back. He wanted to send me out for dinner, but I didn't want to because I have to drive about a half hour away later tonight for the church service I go to. So I told him that he should go for pizza, and he decided that he would just pour a bowl of chips instead, meaning no pizza for anyone.

So naturally, I got serious and was like "why can't you do something for once, instead of acting like I'll always do things for you when I come home". And he just laughed, like he always does, because he doesn't want to hear it and won't speak back to me. And I kept going, because I could. "It really pisses me off that you laugh at me when I get serious, when I'm the ONLY one who says what they feel". And he just laughed again, so I picked up my stuff and walked downstairs, saying "yeah, happy christmas eve to you too dad". 

Seriously, why the fuck does he always have to act like this. He always puts this front up like he's the boss, no matter what, and that if he doesn't want something, nobody else in the family can have it either. I'm sick of it, and I'm pissed that I'm the only one who brings it up. SPEAK UP PEOPLE!