From this day forward, I will no longer put so much faith on love. Because that's all I do, and when nothing comes from it, I become disappointed. If I just let love find me whenever it's ready, I wouldn't be this down all the time.
Last night, my college had a dance. Yes, a dance. It was actually so much fun - about 400 people were there and it was just crazy. You forget how much fun those things were in highschool. But, being myself, I created drama for myself, because I'm a loser. This guy, "Vince", who he and I were interested in each other for a while but then he moved on, danced a lot around each other and had a lot of fun. It was odd, because he hasn't really talked me to much this whole year, and I just thought that we weren't friends anymore. But then he was with me all night, so I thought maybe something was there (even though I KNEW that nothing was, but I was creating it in my mind). So I got disappointed when after the dance, we all went our seperate ways and he didn't ask me to do anything. But if I didn't make myself believe there was something there, then I wouldn't have been down about it afterwards.
The other part, is that Boca was at the dance. Since we've got back to school, I've asked him to hang out twice and both times he's been busy. So I asked him if he was going to the dance and he said he would see me there. But he avoided me, basically, the whole dance. I kept looking over at him, and we'd make eye contact, but he never came over to where I was dancing. And then I would go over to where he was and he would walk away or something. So I think whatever Boca and I had last semester is officially over.
I'm one of those people who needs a definite answer, you know? Like, how will I really know if there isn't anything if I don't ask? But what's the purpose?
But back to the point - I am NOT going to be like this anymore, haha. Love will find me when it's ready, not when I'm constantly looking for it. You were all right, naturally :) haha. It just took another down night for it to really sit in.
Anyway, I'm auditioning for the one act festival here on Tuesday. I'm really nervous because we have to prepare a one minute monolouge and I haven't ever prepared one before. I'm used to the auditions where I have to sing my lil' heart out, not act the shit out of something. So that's what I'll be doing all day, practicing some monologue I found online. Let's hope I get a call back or something - I just need to be in some kind of performance this semester!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
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6 comments:
I got your comment and completely agree! Guys suck haha!
I really miss acting, that's something I should have stuck with after high school! Best of luck!!!
I wonder if Vince went home thinking to himself, "gee, I thought Jake liked me, but he didn't ask me to do anything. So I guess not."
As fond as I am of love, I'm glad you're relaxing and letting it come naturally.
Good luck with auditions!
Im kinda with aron here, jake. If you thought there was maybe something with you and Vince, why didnt you act on it instead of waiting for him? He mighta been shyer in that situation than you were?
Oh, well, live and learn, right? ;)
Good luck on the monologue!
HUGS...
Sweets, get a hang of yourself! The very act of trying to attract Boca's attention speaks a little about... I dunno if I can call it desperation(specially because it sounds really really demeaning!).. but yeah.. that act wouldn't quite have spoken nicely about you.
And about believing that you'd be able to change your inner self so quickly and 'not put so much faith in love', check again. :) It comes naturally to most of us actually. We always like to believe, to be hopeful about things that we would rather have our way, you know!
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